i'm hungry. are you?

i can't smile without YOU!!

it's 720am now. and yes it's pretty early to be awake, especially blogging. but i have a confession to make. i didnt sleep. i woke up at 130 the day before, and went home to seek comfort of my own bed again till evening, and that's because i was feeling really grouchy. i've been bumping ard for 2 days now, and not been hitting the metals for 2 weeks. i find it redundant that the school has to put my exams right after cny which only makes the mood for studying worse. it didnt make things any better to find that my birthday, despite it being valentines day, had to be spent studying.

nevertheless, alot has happened within these few days. a million to thank, and a ruthless path to self discovery which i may add.

thanks to all who wished me on my glorious 20th birthday, whereby the only gifts i recieved was from hazel and audrey. hazel painstakingly bought me a pair of boxers and wine, the rest, i refer to as contraband because they are not for the young to view.

audrey, being the sweetest she could be (i love u babe) bought me an ipod for christmas/birthday/vday/anniversary. and made everything perfect by posting up unglam photos of me on her blog. refer to =)) on the right hand side please. not that i'm very displeased with it, but i realize only she (i love u babe) could capture the finest moments of me in my most embarrasing ways. but of course, it's only she (i love u babe) who really knows how embarrassing i can be. to add, she knows how happy i could be too. and even through all the bickerings that we constantly go through, i still find that she (i love you babe) can still put up with me.

so to audrey. i know i cant provide u the world, and i'm not exactly the most wholesome and flawless of guys, but i'm glad u're still with me despite all that. and i love you so much.

so after all that lying on my bed, forcing myself to sleep, i thought up a string of thoughts that made me ponder upon alot. which i feel is really relevant in my context.

for one. i'm gonna be entering army. and for some reason, i'm not as excited as i was before. it's not abt the physical aspect of it, but it's abt the time wasted. i'm 20 now. which means i only pass out when i'm 22.5. which means i enter uni (of which i've yet to decide where) at the age of 23. i would at best, graduate by the age of 26 with a basic degree. now if lets say, i being an ambitious 20 year old, would like to take honours, i'd probably graduate by the age of 27.5. and if would like to take up medicine post grad, i graduate after 30. now take 2 years off from army, i could graduate by 28.5. which makes life easier and i could start making a living for myself 1.5 years earlier than i should. now WTF!????! i only reel in the cash after 30? now thats troubling. very troubling.

i'm going to hongkong soon, which means, i've got to save hardcore. which is really hard now that i dont exactly have a permenant part time job and i really wish i could. i dont want to spend my red packets, and that's because i only have little left for the year. someone please convince me that my new year earnings are meant to be spent.

i'm starting to feel every emo lately, basically since the the beginning of the year, and i feel that there's a ton of thoughts going through my head. more than i should be thinking. i'd like to share it with everyone and anyone. but i just simply cant. the truth is, i'm in a perpetual downhill slide to self-worthlessness and i wished someone would please come up to me to ask me how things are working out for me, rather than i going up to people and let them hear my ungentlemently rants when it is against their will.

nothing is known for sure for what is going to happen in the future. but the future does look bleek for the fact i have to swear my life into the hands of the tax payer's money. gawd that feels miserable.

posted by jonathan @ 7:20 AM