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i guess i've done the damage. and i've come undone. ask me a week ago how things were going, i'd say it was pretty fine. but i guess my insecurities have gotten the better of me. and i'd blame no one but myself.

i was blinded, to a point i did not know how much i've hurt someone. but how'd i wish this hurt would stop. how'd i wish instead of what I want, i'd take into consideration what she wants.

but i guess this is a very grey area to dwell onto. if compromise is the key factor in any relationship, i think the extent to which gives is equally important. but i ask for nothing in return. from now on. i know i have to change.

i'm sorry. and i've said it many times. i wont do buts and i wont do the past. for i know now, you have learnt and you are you.

my heart still sinks, because i'm scared. and i'm only scared about what the future has to hold for me. for i can only do my best now, to hope for the best and expect the worse. ultimately, the worse is not what i want.

and if there's one thing i learnt, which i know is somethng i should have learnt a long time ago, is to not chase what has already been done. even if it's to chase for the reason. because of this, again, i lost something very valuable in a short matter of time.

i'm a failure. and i know it. i can never live a day knowing that the next would be better only because i know it wouldnt. it's only because i lie to myself. and i lie so much to the point it becomes a natural false hope in me that it's alright.

i'd give support. i surely will. and i know i'll hit some bumps, and it might fall again. but i sure wish i will not hit that ultimate bump that will kill of everything. how i wish i had some support too. how i wish we could work something out. how i wish i was the person i was before. how i wish i could compromise. how i wish i could see beneath the cracks. how i wish i could pick myself up again. how i wish i could be slapped for all my wrong doings. how i wish i could be slapped for everything i have done.

posted by jonathan @ 2:48 AM