ive not felt like this for a long time, only because i choose to run away from it rather than facing it up front than i should.
i put skate party and everything behind to only find that it creeps up to backstab me and i dont really have any where to run.
i try to be the best as i can to render it invalid in my system, but you cant just put 5 years for gold friendship in the corner and leave it to rust.
but like all rust, it gets irritating and it causes the rest of the stuff ard the table to look like shit.
i was cruising around town to seek solace and thought a mere 20mins would do it. more like when i entered the 18th, i bump into them. i thought a smile and more would do the job. i was just greeted with a handshake with a passing comment "where are you going?"
id really like to chill out and find out more abt them. but i guess it all just fades.
i'm dissappointed at the point of where ive become.
poly has made me open up to new friends new things. but closed the best of the closests.
it was my choice, my life
there are its perks. there are it's down falls.
and maybe when i look at it now. i'm falling deeper cause when once when ur so close, it just kicks you out.
parents understand, but what can they do?
friends listen, but what can they do?
i'm neither here nor there.
i'm either nowhere or everywhere.
can you relate?
can you create slate?
so ill just let it bleed until something else occupies my mind.
maybe omerata.
maybe godfather.
but ill wait patiently for the right thing that will consume once again when friends really meant more.
till then, i dwell in work, errants, and most often the censored tear.
posted by jonathan @ 11:42 PM
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